"Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self."
-The Bhagavad Gita
Hi! It's been a while. Here's an update...
I’m officially a certified yoga instructor!
Honestly, if you had asked me even last year if I thought I would ever be a yoga teacher, I probably would have just laughed. My practice, if you could call it that, was very very spotty. I thought yoga was “too slow”. I just wanted to lift weights, and do lots of cardio, and do every other type of physical activity except for yoga.
And now, here I am.
If you know me or if you’ve read through my blog then you know that this past July I got my Health Coach certification through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I LOVED all of the knowledge I gained from he program and collected so much invaluable information. But I also felt like I needed a little something more (and, again, if you know me then you know that I hop from hobby to hobby, activity to activity, always wanting more).
I went to the Wanderlust yoga festival with my sister back in August and simply fell in love. I took a “feminine flow” class with THE Chelsea Korus and got into my body in a way that I never had before. For the first time I really felt a mind-body connection, and it’s a feeling that I can’t describe. All I know is that it left me inspired and wanting much much more. I wanted to be able to help people feel that way too. So when I got home I found my Sukha studio here in Austin and started teacher training in September.
It was a wild ride. Me and 10 BEAUTIFUL souls. A handful of inspiring teachers. It was intense, exhausting, emotional, and tested me in SO MANY WAYS. I had my first anxiety attack in years from being afraid to teach. I literally shut down, checked out and CRIED ON THE FLOOR. In front of the entire group. None of who, by the way, let me back down from teaching what I needed to teach. They waited there, patiently, until I finished. It was an amazing lesson of humility, trust, strength and resiliency. It was the moment I realized the power of my little mini-sangha, my new community.
In those 9 weeks I gave up on myself over and over again. I harshly criticized and judged myself, I compared my body and my abilities to everyone else. I doubted my decisions and beat myself up many times. But. BUT. I worked through all of that roughness and found beauty in all that I have to offer. I learned the abilities and boundaries of my physical, mental, and spiritual bodies that I never knew I had. I found true courage. I shrank and grew. Shrank and grew. Repeatedly.
And I came home.
I have officially come home to myself.
This doesn’t mean that I all of a sudden "know who I am" or that I'm fully confident or that I know what the direct path of my life is. The complete opposite actually. I just feel that now know and trust the expansive depths of my emotions. I know how messy I am and how much messier I will probably get. And I know how brave and open and resilient I can be. And I know, for sure, that I am a human experiencing MY human experience. And that it's beautiful and humbling to walk with people going through THEIR human experience. And how wonderfu ALL of it is that we are doing this together- very differently, but very much the same.
The connections and honesty and rawness and breakdowns and openness... Gah! THAT'S where so much beauty in life lies.
I invite you, after of all of those words, to see if this message resonates with you:
No mud, no lotus.
Like the lotus flower we all have the ability to grow through muddy obstacles and bloom over and over and over again. It's the continual unapologetic sinking and re-blooming that makes us all uniquely us. And that is fucking beautiful.
xo & namaste