The best advice I’ve ever received is, ‘No one else knows what they’re doing either’
I’m just gonna come right out and say it… For most of my adult life, I’ve had no clue what I was doing. At 18 I moved across the country with no plan except to live and find happiness. I worked any job I could find. I took a long time to get my degree. I went through a few failed relationships. I learned A LOT of hard lessons. I went to counseling every week for 2+ years to try to get some direction for how to do life. I got married and became a wife. Very soon after I became a mother. Five years after assuming these roles I’ve figured out that I’ve just DONE life without a clue of what I'm doing and how to do it. Every little teensy bit and every monumental of it. There are times when I’m insanely insecure and there are times where I pull courage and confidence out of my ass and marvel at my capabilities afterwards.
With the popularity of social media where everyone can hide behind a screen, a mask where we can make ourselves to be the people we want other’s to see us as, it’s easy to think that other people have it all together. They have a passion (e.g. fitness, food, photography, looking damn fine) and they’re good at it so they also must be good at life itself. If they have thousands of followers and thousands of likes then they must be doing it all right. We pay so much attention to what’s going on on the outside- how nice is their car, how big is the house, how many diamonds and brand name clothes, nice boobs, nice butt, skinny waist, lots of friends… we just automatically assume that some people have THE equation to life. And maybe some people do. But everyone has their own story that we don’t know. Struggles and insecurities that none of us want to talk about. We’re all fighting our own internal battles whether we’re aware of them or not.
As I venture into new territory in my life starting a business as a Health Coach, I take a lot of comfort in knowing that ‘No one else knows what they’re doing either’. It calms me and reminds me to step into everything with a beginner’s mind.
When I make eye contact with someone and want to say hello but get nervous, I reming myself that they’re probably nervous too- the thought of rejection is scary! But who wants to miss out on the opportunity of making a new friend?
When I have to make a speech or talk in front of a group of people my heart starts racing and I feel like I’m going to throw up and tinkle my pants and my sweat glands go into hyper-super-overdrive. But most people go through the SAME EXACT THING. And you know what? I survive it every time.
And the toughest of all situations- when Cameron is being his toddler self in public, at home, or around a group of people I internally start freaking out. I want to start controlling the situation because I want him to be a “good” kid in front of other people because his behavior is a reflection of me and my parenting skills, right? Hahahaha wrongggggg. If you’ve ever tried to get a toddler to behave then I hope you’re laughing along with me. As parents we’re all taking things moment by moment and doing what we can to make it to the next as smoothly as possible.
The point of all this gibber-gabber is to say that we’re all doing what we can in the moment. I sure as hell don’t know what I’m doing most of the time and I’m not ashamed to say it- I hope you aren’t either. It’s easier to breathe and connect with people when we step down off our high horse and recognize that we’re all human. We’re all making mistakes throughout our days. Mistakes that are small and some that are huge but they’re important because through mistakes you learn and you grow and you become a little more human.
Be gentle with yourself during hard moments
Speak kindly to yourself
Treat yourself with kindness
Find a tribe who will do the same with you and for you
These are things that you would do to your best friend, so why would you not do them to yourself?
Be mindful of that little tidbit of advice in your interactions and observations because, life is hard and can get messy but we’re all doing what we can with what we have. And know that I've got your back.